Someone asked me a question recently that made me laugh right out loud and will probably get a priest or two or more to laugh as well, "How do you get your children to behave so well during Mass?" Anyone who knows us well will know that my children are not angels. I used to leave Mass in absolute tears especially when I only had 3 or 4 children. Things are much better now but my children are still exceedingly human. If you want to understand fallen human nature, take a handful of children to church and try training them. As I often say, "Sundays ceased to be a day of rest once we had children."
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It's always nice to see an angelic soul during Mass but that is not the role of the parents to play that angelic role and then expect the children to just "follow the example". Of course I have never looked angelic so I don't know that part from experience. Back when I was a counsellor at a summer program at my college us counsellors behaved during Mass but the teens under our care were wild. The Dean of Students pulled us counsellors aside and said, "You know, you all look great during Mass but the kids are all over the place. You need to train them." and she proceeded to tell us all of the misdemeanors they were committing. This bit of information stuck with me, though when training my own children it is far more difficult, constant and exasperating than getting an older child to sit still. My goal on this earth is to get to Heaven but I also want to take my husband and my children with me. That means training them. (well, the children anyway!) Saintly means doing our duty in all things which our vocation entails which means our holiness is found in training our children. Easier said than done of course.
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I think everyone can understand when a baby gets cranky and squirmy and is promptly taken out but to be distracted by a whole family the size of ours, for example, will drive people from the Church!!! The old adage "Children should be seen and not heard" has it's merit during Mass but also children shouldn't be seen running and jumping around like they are at the playground. Our duty is to train our children. This might mean mom and dad can't use a missal (I promise you, eventually you will get to use one again!) Don't be afraid to put your missal down to tend to the baby or toddler entirely. You can read the readings at home. Grace isn't a feeling of holiness, the grace is there even when we don't feel it. We probably earn more graces by doing our duty than by looking externally pious. I assure you, babies and toddlers (and older more untrained children) won't follow your parental angelic behaviour. The idea of "being the example" just doesn't work with children during Mass, you have to actively train them. I promise if you do you will reap the benefits and actually someday get to use your missal again.
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So I will mention what has worked for us, a large family, trying to keep in mind consideration for others during Mass. And again, keep in mind that we are not an angelic family, we are chuck full of fallen human nature.
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First, we sit in 2 rows and not 2 full rows giving children room to run around, we sit close together on 1/2 of the rows. You can't reach 12 feet away from you without making a scene but you can reach straight ahead of yourself without causing too much distraction to those around you. Just put the diaper bag at the mid-section of the pew in front of you if your children are wanderers. Don't go past the bag. And then just don't let them. And how you mandate that is a family particular which you need to figure out yourself.
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Second, practice at home. Say the family rosary or decade and work your way up and have the children sit/kneel still. I know all about the family rosary-zoo but it is great training grounds. Practice, practice, practice.
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Third, have consequences. Poor behaviour earns nothing. If they don't behave they don't get the Sunday privileges. No dessert, no special game, no special movie, no nuthin'. During our years of traveling 95 miles one way to Mass we brought a special dessert/snack those who didn't behave didn't get any. The benefit to this is that there is more for the parents :D Of course I'd rather take less an have church angels. Whatever works for your family. What works for one won't always work for another because of the different charismas/characters.
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Fourth, stay in Church. There is no reason all the children can't go potty right before Mass and then sit through. I'll let you in on a secret, they just want to do something more fun than sitting still so they come up with the bathroom run. I tested this myself, I simply said, "no" well, they didn't go for 2 more hours sometimes. Children don't generally go to the bathroom every 20 minutes at home they don't need to go during Mass. Just say no. End of conversation. I've never had a child wet his pants yet because of it.
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Fifth, don't be afraid to be the parent training your children. If a child makes noise more than a few second take them out but not out to run somewhere else. Hold them in a corner or somewhere very
uninteresting. I know all about the most obstinent children afterall Aragorn spent 4 YEARS out back with Frodo!!
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Sixth, no distractions. No food, no drinks, no toys. No books until they can handle them. Make the littles sit and be quiet. The distractions only encourage them to play fetch, to make demands. My children tend to be very physcially active so this was a big one for us. Don't be afraid to sit all through Mass with the baby/toddler on your lap. That is your piety. If they are still and quiet when you sit, then sit, they are being trained. They need to learn to have times of being quiet and still so they can learn to pray. Mass is one of those times to pray, so for babies/children their prayer is just being still.
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Seventh, if your children are unruly don't bless the whole parish with a chance to practice patience, it doesn't work. It aggrevates and distracts people. Just sit in the back until they are trained. Yes, it may seem more ideal to sit in the front with children but if your children don't behave it is entirely inconsiderate to sit up front for all the souls at church there to pray to be distracted by unruly children. If the behaviour isn't ideal then it isn't ideal to sit for all to suffer through!
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I can say that most of the time my children behave, though with so many children you can bet there will be at least one who will test. And I do have Pippin who has ants in his pants. But, I can take them to a 6:30am Mass by myself and sit in the front and usually not distract the entire church. My family will probably never be the family with not a hair out of place and always facing front and being the angelic family of the year but most of the time we do alright.
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Be encouraged, it is much easier with the younger ones when you have older ones. The littles will follow their lead as they do look up to them. That is natural. So train up your oldest ones or you will rue the day.
Just a random picture thought.
Eleanor showing off a craft project she completed that someone gave her as a gift. (something is drastically wrong with that sentence!)
Let's hunt some orc!
What you cannot get in the post are the sound effects
If you can handle Bilbo the Orc Slayer, see dramatic video below. It's not for the faint of heart, afterall... he is three.
The new middle child seems to like wine... the new middle child must be "Nobody Did It"
For the paranoid at heart read the fine print... it's only non-alcoholic red grape juice cocktail. A little something I got for the little priests among us.
I don't know what the point is to this picture.
